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09 January 2008 @ 10:36 pm
I got the idea for this poem out of the blue and couldn't stop until I'd finished at least a third draft of it, One specific thing I hope to learn from you: Does it read smoothly? Also, any other imput you have, suggestions, comments...all is appriciated.

You’re beautiful as the white lightning strikes
All but skimming the sea with sheer brilliance.
The view from this place of heavenly heights
Is as mystifying as your still trance.
The turmoiling clouds above have broke,
And droplets fall down both your cheeks and nose.
You stand there, and leave all your words unspoke,
Obvious, though, what the choice is you chose.
Your love a fire, a lighthouse’s flare,
It lead me here to you, despite the brume.
I try to tell you with a silent stare:
Your pure, unfailing ocean filled my flume.
But desp’rate rain is mixed with sea-salt tears,
And you have jumped – the wind, it fills my ears.